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This chapter is on something you may spend a great deal of time "stressing"
about roommates. Whether you
live in a residence hall, off campus, or in a fraternity or
sorority, you will likely have
a number of different roommates during college, and you are also
likely to have problems
with at least one of your roommates. You shouldn't think you
will be immune to this
problem if you know your roommate ahead of time. It is often people
who know one another
who are most likely to either take advantage of each other, or fail
to communicate
adequately when problems do arise. To make you aware of some of the
potential problems and
give suggestions that will help you avoid them, today you will hear
from both a
professional who has a number of years experience working in the
residence halls, and a
student who has a number of interesting experiences with roommates.
First will be Kent
Sampson.
Kent Sampson is Director of Campus Life at OSU, with special
emphasis on long range planning for student life. He has witnessed
the OSU Residence Hall Association win the National School of the
Year Award four times (more than any other
school in the United States). He has served as President of their
regional housing association, and
has been district representative to the national association, twice.
He has been published in "Advice for Advisors" (The chapter
he wrote is entitled "Group Development Concepts"), and enjoys
volunteer-coaching girls softball and
basketball. He received Dean Frank McFrank award presented by SGA as
the Outstanding Administration and Kenstoner distinguished service
award.
Then you will hear a narrative description of her roommate history
from Bonnie Guara. Bonnie is a recent graduate who teaches at an
elementary school. She is from Bartlesville, Oklahoma.
YOU ARE YOUR ROOMMATE'S ROOMMATE
A roommate can be a huge asset. Most people enjoy the company of
others and desire the
opportunity to share opinions, interests, and good times. Sharing a
room with another
individual can sometimes result in a few problems, but they need not
become so irritating
as to upset the enjoyment found in residence hall living.
One should remember that roommates do not have to be best friends.
It is not always
necessary to have common interests or to share in that sought-after togetherness. However, one of the most rewarding
experiences while in college
is getting to know many different kinds of people. Learning to
tolerate the differences in your roommate can be a valuable part of
your education.
Your first obligation to your roommate is to meet him/her cordially,
and then to make a
reasonable attempt to hold up your end of a cordial relationship
with him/her. A few hints
of "roommateship" may help you to do this.
Three key factors make for successful roommate relationships:
Compatibility, Responsibility, Communication. All must be worked on if
the relationship is to grow.
One item all of us bring to any new situation is a set of
expectations. Often our
expectations are expressions of our personal needs, and at times,
they are stereotyped or
inherited from our family or friends. To identify expectations that
meet our needs, it is
important
to discover more about yourself and your roommate. What do you
really value? What does
your roommate value? What do you need from yourself and from your
roommate to build a
relationship that works?
Spend some time going through the following list of questions with
your roommate, so you can get to know each other better. Remember, only really honest answers will help you to
build a successful
relationship with your roommate. (Also, included is a quick
reference sheet for you to complete and give to your roommate, so
he/she will be able to
keep track of some of the important things about you.)
MY ROOMMATE EXPERIENCE
As a student at Oklahoma State University, I have to admit that the
subject of roommates
brings fond memories and the most hilarious ones. As my third year
of college approaches
its end, I can reflect on these past experiences.
It all began the night before I came up to college. I was going to
be rooming with a girl
I had never met before. She was from Texas, and I was from
Bartlesville, Oklahoma. I was
packing up my possessions when the telephone rang. Stacy was calling
to tell me that she
had gone through (sorority) rush and had decided to move into her
sorority house. She
asked if I minded. As if...Would I really tell her that now I
wouldn't even have a
roommate? Now I felt apprehensive about the whole situation. I hung
up and then I realized
that I was going to be all alone when I arrived at OSU the next day.
My mom had to work, so I would be moving myself to school. It
was sad.
I moved in my dorm and soon I realized that I liked not having a
roommate. I had shared a
bedroom for my entire life, and this was nice. I soon became friends
with other girls on
my floor, so I listened to their roommate stories. The girls next
door were like night and
day. They did NOT get along. Sue (not her real name) did not
appreciate how Emma (also not
her real name) acted as though she were her mother. Sue had been
independent for a long
time before coming to college, and so she wasn't used to someone
checking up on her all
the time. Sue and I became friends, and the next year we found a
house together with another girl. That story comes in later though..
Second semester of my freshman year, I moved in with one of my
friends from the dorm.
Because we were friends, we weren't sure if we should move in
together. I am horrible
about making big decisions, so I barely made up my mind to do it.
Lindsay's roommate moved
into another, so I moved over. We had the best time. We were
freshmen, and we wanted our
freshman year to be the best it could be. When one of us didn't want
to go do something with the other, we could always convince each
other that we
are only freshmen once! From midnight runs to Wal-Mart, running in the rain,
making macaroni and cheese
in the microwave, and doing ballet down the hall, we always had fun.
We would motivate the
other to study only in extreme cases, but our token saying was a
motivator "Study, study, school's your buddy"!!
I was on the rowing team my freshman year, so I arose at 5:15 each
morning to drive to the
lake for a grueling two hour workout. No matter how early I would
try to go to sleep,
Lindsay and I always talked until the wee hours of the morning. I
have no clue how I made
it on so little sleep, but then again, I was a freshman and reality
hadn't set in yet.
Although we stayed up late, I always got up on time and never missed
a practice. Neither
did she. Each morning as I headed out the door, she would pop up in
her bed to tell me
good-bye. We formed a friendship that has been tested since then.
She moved into her
sorority house the next year, and this semester she is working in
Disney World as part of
an internship. Yet we still keep in touch and manage to get a coke
every now and then. We
can talk to each other about anything, and that is a pretty cool
thing to be able to say
about your freshman roommate.
Wow! The next year was totally different. I moved into
a house with three people on my floor. Emma and I had been friends
all year long, so we
found a house (to live in). She asked two other girls that she had
become friends with to
move in with us. I didn't really know them that well, but I trusted
her judgement. We all
paid rent the first month and moved in just fine, but then the
problems began. Nikki and
Emma didn't want Rachel's boyfriend to live at our house because he
had his own room at
his fraternity house, so we all came up with some rules about how to
live respectfully with each other and discussed them.
Rachel went through open (sorority) rush and joined a sorority and
decided to move into
her chapter's house. This left us with the same amount of rent to
cover, but now it would
only be split three ways. This was my first lesson in not trusting
people to keep their word.
Life goes on, and the three of us got along just fine. Once in a
while we would have
discussions about boyfriends being around too often, but more often
than not I didn't have
a clue what Nikki and Emma would fight about. I would listen to both
sides and play
mediator. It's a crazy world though, when you live with a
Business/Finance major that
bounces at least three checks a month on a consistent basis. Nikki
and I would pay our
part of the bill, but it would be sent in late, only after Emma
added her check (which was
usually rubber). I learned what cut-off notices looked like, and I
even covered Emma's
share of the rent one month so that she could pay off some of her
other bills. I couldn't
afford to be that generous though, so she paid my rent the next
month.
We all had new circumstances to deal with. Some mornings I would
walk downstairs in my
robe to take a shower only to find that either Nikki or Emma's
boyfriend was already using
up the hot water. That was a new one for me! Sometimes I would be
home on a weekend all by myself, and Emma's boyfriend would come
over and make himself at home while he waited for her to return. I
was a bit uncomfortable at first, but that soon wears off. I am sure
they didn't appreciate having to play secretary and take zillions of
messages for me, but they tried. We all made compromises and learned
to communicate a
little bit better. We learned that we didn't all have the same ideas
about how to clean a house, but we made charts and had assigned
chores; that seemed to work out for us. Or at least I would
like to think so.
All in all, it was a fun year. There were many instances when I just
turned my head the
other way. Some things just aren't that important to me. If I can
avoid conflict, I will.
We planned a road trip all year long, but we never all had the
weekend free, but we did
manage to play a game of Monopoly during finals week when the rest
of the OSU world was
studying. Nikki and Emma were a part of my sophomore year when I
learned about
responsibility, frozen dinners, how to light a pilot light, and deal
with any other household problem our landlord's handyman didn't ever
have time to take care of.
I pledged a sorority as a sophomore, but I didn't move into the
chapter house until I was
a junior. Talk about change in lifestyle. I had the entire upstairs
to myself the year
before, and now I shared the same amount of space with three other
people. It is fun at
times, but it can cramp your lifestyle at other times. Spontaneity
is something that can
occur at any time. You are always surrounded by people, so it is
easy to find someone to
go with you wherever you need to go. Other times, you just wish that
you had your own
space though. We all look out for each other and make sure we go to
class and get up on
time. If someone is running late, no one hesitates to offer to drive
them to class. We all know what it is like to wake up late for
class.
I love getting ready together in the morning. We all talk about what
all we have to do for
the day and we pump each other up. I have grown closer to these
roommates because we live in such close proximity and because we are
all very down to earth. I don't have to deal
with the boyfriends shacking at my house challenge because boys
aren't allowed in the
dormitory part of the house. This year has many fond memories but
they aren't as priceless
as the ones I have of my freshman year, because nothing is new
anymore. I feel like the veteran college student even though it is
only my third year up
here. I have
interacted with so many different individuals that I think I can get
along with anybody.
This isn't certain, but I can sure give it my best shot!!!!!
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